FINALLY, My blog is up and running and more than just my about me section! Before you cringe and judge me, be mindful that this is a work in progress… just like motherhood, I am learning as I go.
So… Is becoming a mom everything I dreamed of and more? Ugh, Duh. BUT, with that said, it has been an equally humbling, eye-opening and brutal experience as well. Considering I’d like to think I am a veteran in life being in my mid thirties and all, I was NOT prepared for the “black-list” of things that come with having a baby. Black list? What’s a black list? Well, let me break it down for you. THE black list is my list of things the nobody talks about. Um, hello, this is the shit that matters more than, (Insert snarky annoying voice here) —> “oh, your never going to sleep again” or the, “oh, are you prepared to be a mom” comments. Let’s be real, we ALL have a blacklist and I’m sure you wish someone warned you before you had to have your husband pull up your sexy mesh underwear lined with an ass to belly maxi pad, or in my case adult diapers.
So let’s start this the right way and jump straight to my #1 on the list;
#1 Postpartum bleeding
(and the sexy attire that comes with it… Adult diapers)
We all have a little anxiety when it comes to thinking about delivering a baby so we educated ourselves the best way we know how in an attempt to prepare for the big day… but why is it that no one talks about the 4-8 weeks of bleeding that follows delivery? or how the hospital sends you home with a few pairs of one size fits all mesh underwear and a box of ginormous maxi pads that crinkle and squish when you walk? Well, a few weeks before Charlie was born, a close friend of mine had a baby girl herself and she warned me. THANK GOD for real friends! Anyways, she was raving about these adult diapers she was wearing postpartum and how they were so comfortable and didn’t leak and I was the first to admit that my initial reaction was, “what in the actual fuck does she mean adult diapers?” So, I continued to question her and simply requested that she send me a photo of the diapers when she had a chance. Mind you what photo I expected her to send was far from what she actually sent. I was hoping to get a glimpse of the box or packing of these so-called diapers so I could see for myself… What I received though was her standing up posing, hand on hip, smile on face naked with only her diaper on. While part of me died inside laughing hysterically in shock the other part of me ordered that shit ASAP. Oh and you better believe as soon as I had the chance I sent her my version of the same photo, same pose and all, that she had sent me…payback bitch!
Anyways, If she hadn’t given me a friendly (and nude) heads up I would have been soooo unprepared.
Still reading? Good because I have a little present for you for making it this far… Here’s me 10 days postpartum in what I will forever recommend to any new mom, Depends adult diapers. (They come in multiple colors with the option of ruffles as well, just so you can keep it hot for baby daddy; Personally the mauve color was my favorite).
(Yup, you can’t un-see that. 😉)
Now that you and I just bonded on another level let’s move on… Next on the black list is the fucking crying.
#2 Uncontrollable crying
Dude, I cried A LOT in my twenties and early 30’s but nothing like the kind of tears that come right after you have a baby. I’m not talking sappy love tears once you hold your perfect person for the first time, I’m talking the random cry fits you have while adjusting to this new life, new body, new pain and new responsibility. I cried in the dark for weeks after having Charlie and for reasons I didn’t even understand, quite possibly because there was no actual reason at all.
I’d beg to take a hot shower as an escape from my baby [insert mom guilt here] and I’d sit on the shower floor and ugly cry. Let me mention I wasn’t sad or depressed either, I was just straight up emotional. I had all the support I could ask for, the man of my dreams, a perfect healthy baby and still never-ending tears. While feeling guilty for crying and not knowing that these irrational emotions were actually not irrational at all, I started wondering again, why is this NOT talked about openly?
I’m extremely transparent and have little to no filter but what I do have is a voice; a voice that wants this unspoken topic to be the spoken topic. It’s okay to cry and contrary to popular belief, crying isn’t always a sign of weakness, in fact I think its powerful to be vulnerable and tear filled.
and lastly on my black list topics is #3
#3 Self discovery
Seem like a strange thing to consider a black list topic? Not so much actually and let me explain why… Obviously after becoming a mom for the first, second, third etc time we change, there is no getting around that and it is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is not accepting that we are, in fact, different. Different physically, different mentally and different hormonally (not a word, but you get it).
The struggle is finding how your new self and your old self become one. Staying true to who you were pre-baby all while embracing who you are post-baby is an important role in raising a strong human. That’s our ultimate goal as a mom right? Raising one hell of a good human.
I bring this up because no one ever likes to hear, “you’ve changed”, and mainly because most of us don’t interpret that as a good thing or at least I didn’t. The truth though, is I have changed but I’m also the same. I love the new me; chunky butt, bald head, lopsided boobs and all. I’ll go into this more on a collaboration blog post I’m doing with Stevie (@Sunshine.and.limes) about keeping your identity postpartum all in the midst of this change. But for now know that this journey of finding and keeping ones sense of self is a legit struggle and its nothing to be ashamed of.
Motherhood is brutal but it’s beautiful once you begin to thrive, and look at you (yes, you) fucking thriving.
Congratulations, you’ve successfully completed reading my first official blog post, you should be proud of yourself because I sure am. Now, go be basic and treat yourself to a pumpkin spiced latte and tag me in your story post once you get it, because we all know you are going to story the shit out of it.